Thursday, December 2, 2010

my life on sex & the city

Sunday, September 26th, 2010 - Day 45

Dear Readers,
          This first full week of classes has been nothing but exhausting. Aside from the usual Georgian mishaps like complete disorganization of class times and my constantly changing "set" schedule, I was ill from the teacher's suphra for two very long days.
          The teacher appreciation suphra was last Sunday evening, exactly one week ago, where the tamada a.k.a. the toast-master went completely crazy with his dedicatory drinking. Instead of the usual steady procession of toasts he threw back glass after glass of wine - or should I say homemade malt-liquor. Suffice to say, something I drank or ate did not agree with me or four others.
          Struggling through Monday's classes, I called it a day and went home. Well, not before my little incident. I was in the middle of reading the listening section to my 11th Graders when my stomach decided it HAD to go. Quickly dropping the book, making an exit, and heading down four floors of stairs, I entered the only teacher's restroom in the whole school. In fact, I nearly didn't make it, which would have been the most embarrassing moment in all my life. Entering the teacher's squatty-potty and finding no tp, well...go ahead and call me Charlotte because I nearly pookipsied on my pants anyways.
~ There! are! no! words! ~
Well after that, I decided to scurry on home where the only thing I wanted to do was put on my over-sized sweater and get under the covers, which is basically where I spent the rest of the day.
          Clearly, I was not planning on going to school the next day seeing as how I spent the better part of the previous evening on the pot. So instead, my host sister, who was also sick, and I chilled in the living room sipping on this god-awful stomach settling concoction. As part of our vegging, we thought it might be a great idea to have an American moviethon. Ana was to choose the movies from the ones I brought seeing as I had already watched them all more times than I can count. In no time at all, we went through Something New, Corpse Bride, Alice and Wonderland, and How Harry met Sally.
          After four movies, I needed a break...a long break. Ana has probably one of the worst personalities for watching movies. Unlike most people who may chat throughout the whole thing or crack jokes at cliche moments, she simple never speaks. And I don't mean to say that she's quietly watches and then remarks on the film. Once the film ends, she takes it out and puts in a new one. No comments, no questions, which you might think is nice. But then you realize it's really quite awkward not to say something after a movie ends. I mean a simple "That's nice" would have sufficed. Anyways, I went for a walk, a long walk......
          When I returned from my walk, I find Ana has put in one of my gay romance movies. That's right. A gay romance. This is probably where you're asking yourselves why I didn't put the gay movies in a different place. And you would be right to ask such a thing. Only, the thought never really crossed my mind. I completely forgot which movies I had brought. So - struck with fear/panic/embarrassment/awkwardness I gently say, "Ana, I'm not so sure you'll like this kind of movie. Shelter is sort of a romance movie about gay people." To which she responds, "Oh don't worry. This is a 'modern' family." At this point, I really had no choice but to sit and to hope for the best - except that hoping never really gets you that far...
          To be honest, I wasn't really all that nervous. Sis & I had sort of already had the "gay talk". Well, it was more of a talk about gays rather than "the talk" about me being gay. In either case, I knew she didn't really have a problem with them so long as it wasn't in one's face. You know how we gays love to flaunt it!
          Anyways, things were completely fine until my 77 yr. old grandmother decided to join us right before the first kiss. Any smart person would have turned it off until she left. If you know anything about me, you'd know I don't do well in handling potentially awkward moments. I instead waved down Ana to let her know that something grandma shouldn't see was coming up. And again, I got a "don't worry, we're a modern family" wave back. As the first kiss between them began and then the passionate sex scene proceeded, I didn't know if it was better to stare at the screen feigning ignorance or prepare for grandma's reaction, which may or may not have involved the lighting of candles and some nervous praying. What I got instead were 3 simple questions:
  1. Are those two men kissing?
  2. With love?
  3. And they are waking up together?
[spotted: Durota making a slight edition to the story of Adam & Eve. Say hello to Adam's roommate Evan. And who says you can't teach old dogs new things?]

          Don't worry kids; this story ends well. Grandma decided to join us in finishing the film. She was in fact so enticed by the sex scene, she just had to have the rest of the story-line explained to her. Ironically enough, Ana found this movie to be her favorite that day.

from pooping in my paints to teaching queer 101, no one does it any classier.
xo xo m

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