Sunday, March 13, 2011

90 day self-check: notes to self, a survivor’s guide

November 10th, 2010 – Day 90

dear readers, 
It has been officially three months since having first moved into host family’s home. Suffice to say, I have experienced more things – gone through more things than I could have possibly imagined. Therefore, I have come up with an official list of cautionary tips to remember in order to survive the remainder of my time spent here in this strange and wonderful place I’ve called home.

1. having a tiny nervy-b because your luggage has yet to arrive is never a proper thing to do in public. Having one because you have to wear the same pair of boxer-briefs for THREE days now, including two of them being spent on plane travel, is entirely appropriate at any given point.
sub point a) never trust an airline when they say your bags will arrive on time when they aren’t flying them over themselves.
sub point b) hate. georgian. airways.

2. There is no substitute for American beauty products which include but are not limited to dove soap, tresimme shampoo & conditioner, axe hair cream, and facial cream. Unreadable hotel products that come in tiny foil wrappings is by no means a suitable replacement.

3. obsessing over new hot roommate on the first night is not only a bad thing (probably awkward) for him, but also will keep you up all night wondering if he’s gay.
sub point a) you have no gaydar!!!
sub point b) even if he was gay, he probably wont want you anymore…

4. it’s never really a good idea to ask what your eating. You might as well down it or risk starvation.
sub point a) apparently, Georgian breakfast does not consist of eggs, turkey bacon, and hash browns
sub point b) but it does include plenty of grainy instant coffee. My Favzies!

5. always make sure you have hand sanitizer or wipes on hand (preferably both). Showers are never a guarantee much less being able to wash your hands before a meal.

6. between the unreliable electricity and the random weather, wearing filthy clothes is a very real possibility. If the sun is out, the washing machine better be running!

7. never emotionally drink – see post “three hail mary’s and a liter of wine”

8. fake it till you make it

9. never drink the free wine given at suphras. More than likely this poison will do one or more of these things:
sub point a) get you drunk, which will enable you to do something so foolish you won’t be able to recover your reputation from it
sub point b) give you the runs for the next two days, which won’t begin until the middle  of your 11th grader English grammar lesson forcing you to run out of class, down four floors of stairs, and into the nasty squatty-potty that is the teacher’s restroom
sub point c) kill you! – need I say more. (naturally, two out of three could very well happen to you)

10. there’s no point in hopping over cow-pies in order to keep you chucks clean. The streets are so caked with poo that the only thing one really avoids are the steaming one.

11. flirting with a Georgian is only good for one thing – free drinks. Anything else is not only ridiculous but also borderline self-deprecating. More than likely, anything they could offer would be such a huge disappointment that the only person you could ever blame would have to be yourself. So give it up! Dragging someone out of the closet is never classy.

12. never bother getting dressed up for special occasions. You’ll just end up drawing more attention to yourself as you refuse to sit on a dirty wooden plank, thereby forcing self to stand for the next 3 or 4 hours as everyone continues to toast in memory of another dead person (no disrespect intended, naturally. I just hate being dirty).

13. it only takes three months before life catches up to you – before all the problems you ran away from return. It only takes 90 days before the dust settles and reality kicks in. And when he kicks, you’ll feel the sharp knife slice into your lungs. You can’t catch your breathe since the wind is billowing too fast. Recognition will come quickly; it can’t be kept at bay for long. It’s heartache, a reminder as to way you’ve come this far.

14. be fashionable not femme

15. when all is said & done or otherwise not said & done, take a moment to appreciate where you’re staying. Not only do you not know if the next place will be a challenge, but more than likely you wont be back at this place, at this moment again. A view is a view even if it is of half constructed ruins and over weeded plots of land, make-shifted into soccer (football?) fields. Relish these moments; it’s why you left behind your old life. Make this count. 

xo xo m

No comments:

Post a Comment